Real Employee Reviews, No Corporate PR Bullshit (We Asked the People Who Sit Next to the Smelly Microwave)
It’s 2026, your salary still buys two kota and a Stumbo, but at least the office vibe can make you hate your life slightly less… or slightly more. We asked over 2 000 real employees on anonymous WhatsApp polls, Telegram groups, and the JobTide DMs to rate their companies from “I’d work here for free” to “I’m updating my CV in the toilet”. Here’s the unfiltered tea (December 2025 edition).
The “Heaven on Earth” Tier (You’ll actually smile on Monday)
1.Takealot – 9.4/10
Free lunch every day, unlimited coffee that isn’t Ricoffy water, R5 000 mental-health allowance, and the CEO still replies to the “Takealot Meme Channel” on Teams. One oke said his manager sent him R500 Takealot voucher when his cat died. Cat tax was paid in the group chat.
2.Discovery – 9.1/10
Vitality points for literally breathing, free gym at work, therapy sessions, and you can bring your dog on Fridays. Downside: if you eat one more chicken salad you qualify for a free funeral policy.
3.Old Mutual (especially the Pinelands campus) – 8.9/10
Free shuttle from the station, actual working air-con, and they gave everyone a R4 000 “load-shedding survival kit” with power banks. Someone got married in the parking lot and HR catered it.
4.Capitec – 8.7/10
R18k starting but feels like R35k because no one micromanages you, free financial coaching (so you stop buying R800 tekkies), and every Friday is jeans + braai day.
5.SPAR Head Office (Durban) – 8.5/10
They have a “no meetings on Friday” rule and a beer fridge that opens at 3 pm. Yes, really.
The “Meh, It Pays the Rent” Tier (You survive, you don’t thrive)
6.Shoprite/Checkers – 7.2/10
Money is good, but the culture is “retail never sleeps”. One manager sent a WhatsApp at 11:47 pm asking why the Cape Town DC fridge temperature was 0.3 degrees off.
7.Nedbank – 7.0/10
Nice buildings, free parking, but they still have that “see you at 7:30” culture even though you log off at 16:30.
8.Multichoice/DStv – 6.8/10
Free Showmax and SuperSport, but the open-plan office is louder than a taxi rank on payday.
The “Burning Ring of Fire” Tier (Run. Do Not Walk.)
9.Certain Government Departments (you know which ones) – 3.1/10
Tea ladies retire before you get promoted, the air-con broke in 2008, and your boss still prints emails. One person said they have a “prayer meeting” every morning that lasts 45 minutes. For productivity.
10.A Certain Big-4 Accounting Firm (starts with D) – 2.9/10
“Busy season” is now January to December. Someone billed 14 hours a day for three months and got a R150 Takealot voucher as “appreciation”.
11.A Certain Cellular Network (rhymes with Hellkom) – 2.4/10
They make customers suffer AND employees. One guy got written up for “negative energy” after stage 8 load-shedding killed his laptop mid-presentation.
12.Most Call Centres That Aren’t Discovery – 1.8/10
Scripted bathroom breaks, someone times how long you pee, and the team leader plays amapiano at 87 decibels to “keep energy high”.
Quick 2026 Workplace Vibe Checklist Before You Accept That Offer
- Do they have a “no weekend WhatsApps” policy or is Sunday 7 pm “quick sync” normal?
- Is the free coffee actual coffee or brown disappointment?
- Do they say “we’re a family” (run, families don’t pay overtime)?
- Do they have actual working lights when load-shedding hits?
- Can you play Spotify without getting side-eye from 1985?
Save this list. Screenshot it. When that “exciting opportunity” comes, cross-reference before you sell your soul for R22k and trauma.
And if you work at one of the top 5… please adopt the rest of us. We’ll bring pap and vleis to the company braai.